forest hill finds!
i grew up and currently reside in toronto’s exclusive enclave of forest hill. i don’t particularly like it here. the majority of the people i encounter seem to be ignorant philistine’s quite pleased with there obscene wealth and inconspicuous consumption. global warming is a farce and everyone and their nanny is entitled to three SUVs, all the better to protect their spoiled brat children, not including rollovers. and don’t forget the fleet of sports cars. aging, balding, fat jewish men in $600,000 automobiles. yummy!
and the ladies, walking at full-speed to and from starbucks for low-fat chi lattes, little terrier in tow (i mean their dogs not their husbands). gross! it’s great when from blocks away you can’t tell whether the approaching female is a tart, brain-dead thirteen year old girl, or a sagging, starving herself, botoxed former trophy wife - because they both always wear the same slutty uniform: lu-lu-lemon tracksuit, ugg boots, complete with bleached-blond straightened hair, all the better to hide their dark, coiled jew fros. rhinoplasty!
then there’s the irony of a perfectly landscaped lawn, complete with multiple fountains, while the homeowner would never stoop so low as to actually garden. ew, dirt! throughout my neighbourhood perfectly good homes are constantly being torn down to make way for gaudy temples to individual greed. i especially like the generic white fortress with pillars, columns and the attempt at colonnades, along with underground garages and a special intercom system designed so that no one ever has to answer the door to canvasser’s from the heart and stroke foundation. yuck, charity!
forest hill’s NOT ALL BAD. of all the places i’ve ever lived, i have never collected so much perfectly good junk in my entire life. in the last few months alone, i’ve dragged home from the side of the road a tan-leather briefcase, tricycle, box of self-help tapes, several dozen books (mostly on dieting and how to make millions of dollars, but also one about middle-aged sex), enough wood to start several fires or use as the basis for a snazzy art project, tons of toys and games, an old working tape deck and old broken cd player as well as this barely used canvas:
using my emerging artistic acumen i was able to wrest the juicy motherboards from inside their cold, dead cage and with some purchased glue and bought paint i created this found art:
hurray! i’m a saviour and better than those i judge b/c i made a painting!
was i too harsh on forest hill? it’s not all bad is it? i mean i hate it here, but i’m probably some poor, little rich kid who doesn’t know how good he has it, right? teach me a lesson at newdeference@gmail.com or post a comment here. now, excuse me while i ask my filipino house-keeper to make me an egg salad sandwich.
